I come and go in phases like the moon. During the full moon, I am bright and take care of everything I shed light on, but I also fail to keep my light from some things I cannot tend to – not for lack of wanting, but for lack of light. This causes me to wane and disappear, unable to be seen in the sky by myself and others, and struggling to eventually come out on the other side.
During the waxing moon, I am careful of myself. I unite with tried and true methods of caring for the rock I am, being careful to not overwork myself in making progress towards once more becoming a full moon.
When I am full, unfortunately, I inevitably feel as though I am invincible. This causes an amalgamation of issues. “No” is a foreign word when applied to responsibilities, activities, personal projects, and social events. It is the only word on my lips when it comes to high-quality sleep, time for preventing the upcoming waning, and making preparations for the imminent new.
When it is time for me to be new, it creeps up on me slowly – I am always grasping for the little light that’s left, until it’s gone and I am catapulted into darkness. It’s a little bit funny how I am regarded ‘new’ when I feel anything but. At this point in my cycle, I am blind to everything I have done to replenish myself. All the care, all the replenishing, all the preparation to survive through this phase, and there is just me in my rocky form in the darkness, holding onto the promise I have made to myself that I will re-enter the light.