It just hit me, guys/gals/both/neither/me/you/them/they/extra-terrestrials/other. For us-for us here at Northview, at least-our senior class; this is the last. This is the last everything. Which is something I never thought I’d resent.
This is the last time you decide who to congregate with at lunch on a regular basis. This is the last time you’re afforded the luxury of missed deadlines. This is the last time you get to change who you are and your reputation to those that have known you since what we know and understand as the beginning of time. This is the last time you get to ask that person to a dance, ask them on a date, because you’re never again going to be able to prove who you really are to another person with a dedicated idea of who they believe you to be from the collective persona they’ve created for you over the years of building they’ve done-however subconsciously. This is the last time you have the ability to sit in the student section at a game-and own it. This is the last time you get to shout, “Go home, Freshmen,” no matter if you mean it or not. This is the last time you get to complain about being here before you aren’t anymore.
This post isn’t so much a resonant call to consciousness as a personal post on my behalf to you. These are our final days here. There are so many of you that I want to get to know, and so little time. God, I’m still terrified of half of you. You’re all beautiful, handsome, talented, bright-eyed, intelligent, spiritual, sassy, significant, blunt, honest, respectful, athletic, creative, logical… I could go on. And on. And on and on and on. Once we graduate, if you wanted to get to know me during our high school endeavors and never did, please please please contact me. I can assure you that I’d love to get inside that head of yours and experience the truth you have about the world you live in. There are countless people that are walking regrets for me, even now, as I see them on a daily basis. It isn’t that I’ve become involved with them and wished I hadn’t, it’s completely the opposite-that I haven’t become involved and wish I had… a long, long time ago (in a galaxy right, right here). There are boys and girls I’ve had friend crushes on that I will never admit to, real crushes that will never know how I feel, and half of the reason is because I’m afraid that I’ll become inseparable from these people the second it’s inevitable that we separate. It destroys me, guys. Absolutely destroys me.
Imagine a scenario where you looked up to people you never thought would even acknowledge your existence, then imagine the swelling appreciation and happiness you’d feel once these people were kind enough to call you a friend. Now, pick five special expletives to use when you realize that you have less than six months to appreciate them justly. AGH. I MUST REDUCE MYSELF TO LESS-THAN-ACCEPTABLE GRAMMATICAL STRUCTURE AND SPELLING TO ALLOW YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW UPSET I AM. GOOD GRAVY.
Frickfrack. You. You there. Reading this. I freaking love you. Honestly. Whether you’re a platonic friend crush I’ve had for awhile whom I’ve never spoken to, a friend, a best friend, a teacher, or someone who’s a jumper cable to my heart (I dunno if you know who you are but eh. I dunno if I want to keep it that way-so if you magically know who you are hmu sometime.), I. Appreciate. You. So. Much. One part of me wants to pack you all in my suitcase to CMU and take you with me everywhere, but the larger part of me wants to go to a place where nobody knows my name and see what kind of a life I can create for myself there.
Maybe one or two of you with the same mindset could come along…
God, you all have such beautiful minds. Every single one of you. I envy you all.
I’m gonna cry oh no.
I speak as though I raise you up onto a platform saved only for theological beings, but no. The beauty in you is that you’re all so real. So human. You don’t romanticize anything. You get into fights. You cry. You get upset and stressed and fail tests and quizzes and can’t run the mile and didn’t get that touchdown and lost the game and… you’re human. You’re all so gorgeously, fantastically, perfectly human. You’re awkward and quiet and boisterous and annoying and pompous and kind and respectful and crazy and legal and illegal and sly and clever and twisted and prim and proper and crass and brash and… you’re all so beautifully real.
I remember back to third grade when I realized the importance of being called weird. Weird is unique and new. Weird is confident. Weird is standing up for yourself and others. Weird is acceptance and tolerance. Weird is having pride, but no prejudice.
And I gotta tell all u frickin nerds:
Y’all are weird. And I love you so much.
No sign off here, because you know.